Betrayed, Deceived, Wronged? Here’s How to Turn Pain into Purpose
Don’t Let Someone Else’s Lack of Character Destroy Yours—Use It to Build Yourself Up
I don’t know your name. I don’t know your story. But I do know one thing: at some point in your life, someone has wronged you.
Maybe you were lied to.
Maybe you were betrayed by someone you trusted.
Maybe you lost money, a job, a relationship, or even a part of yourself because of someone else’s lack of integrity.
Maybe you’ve suffered in ways that still keep you up at night.
How do I know this? Because wrongdoing is everywhere.
It’s a pandemic of monumental proportions.
No matter how much we strive to be good people, to build our character, to live by our moral compass—the fact that we are alive, that we interact with others, that we exist in a world where people have free will, means that at some point, we will be wronged.
And yet, the key to life is not avoiding pain—it’s how we transform it.
The answer is not in running from wrongdoers but in building ourselves up so that no matter what happens, we come out stronger, wiser, and more powerful than ever before.
Because you can’t rewire someone else’s conscience, but you can sharpen your own.
When My Trust Cost Me
Not long ago, I bought a house—a home I had dreamed of for years. It wasn’t just a property; it was the symbol of years of sacrifice, discipline, and patience.
I had spent years saving, cutting unnecessary expenses, and working late nights to finally afford a place I could call my own. And when I got the keys, I was determined to make it a sanctuary—a reflection of all my effort.
It needed some renovations—new paint, roof repairs, and small modifications to make the space truly mine. So, I did what most people do: I looked online, searched for highly rated contractors, and found two guys with glowing reviews. People raved about their work. I figured, "Great! Let’s get this done."
I trusted them. I followed their advice.
I paid them for their work.
And for weeks, I watched as they transformed my house—or so I thought.
Then one day, a friend visited, took a single look at what had been done, and my stomach dropped.
The paint? Cheap and diluted.
The materials? Low quality.
The work? Rushed, sloppy, an insult to everything I had worked for.
And the final blow? They had stolen supplies I had purchased!
I was furious. Not just at them, but at myself.
How could I have been so trusting?
Why didn’t I ask for more quotes?
Why didn’t I consult someone who knew better?
How did I—someone who prides herself on being thoughtful—get played like this?
At that moment, I had two choices:
Let the anger eat me alive and dwell on my misfortune.
Ask myself: How can I use this to build myself up?
I realized that the first option would do me no good. I wasn’t going to recover the money or fix the house by staying stuck in frustration. But I could gain something else from this experience—moral growth.
So, I chose option two.
How to Turn Pain into Purpose
If you’ve been wronged, I want you to pause and take a deep breath.
Now, ask yourself these two questions:
1. What virtue was missing in the person who wronged me?
In my case, it was honesty. They lacked integrity. They lied, they stole, they deceived.
2. What virtue can I strengthen in myself to gain something positive from this experience?
Maybe no virtue was lacking in you—but there’s always room for growth.
Which virtue could make you better after this experience?
Is it forgiveness, so you can move forward without carrying bitterness?
Is it courage, so you speak up and protect yourself in future situations?
Is it prudence, so you make wiser decisions?
That was my breakthrough.
To truly overcome this experience, I needed to do more than just prevent it from happening again. I needed to extract a lesson that would strengthen my moral core.
Because we don’t just learn from good examples—we also learn from bad ones.
When we see what we don’t want to be, it deepens our self-determination to pursue the virtuous path, regardless of what others do.
In my case, I was determined to develop prudence—the ability to make wise, well-reasoned decisions.
Developing Prudence: How to Make Wiser Decisions
As I reflected on my experience, I realized I needed a clear and practical way to use this moment to develop prudence.
I broke it down into three simple steps to turn my adversity into character growth:
1. Practice the Pause
Ever made a decision in a rush and then immediately thought, “That was dumb”?
Me too.
Action: Before saying yes to anything, step away for a moment. Let time reveal what emotions might be clouding your judgment. Before trusting someone new, take time to gather evidence—not just their words.
2. Stop Going Solo: Smart People Ask for Help
I didn’t ask for advice when hiring those contractors. Big mistake.
Action: Seek wisdom, not just opinions. Find people who have actually been in your situation before. You don’t have to make the mistakes yourself to learn from experience. Leverage collective wisdom.
3. Reflect Without Self-Blame
Regret is useless if you don’t learn from it. Reflection should lead to growth, not guilt.
Action: First, identify the real mistake. Be honest with yourself. Not "I got scammed," but "I didn’t do my due diligence." Then, extract the lesson. What will you do differently next time? Finally, commit to change. Awareness is not enough—applying it is what transforms you.
Now, it’s your turn.
Reflect on your own experience:
What lesson can you learn?
Which virtue can you strengthen to build your character?
What three actions can you start implementing right now to get there?
This is one way to turn pain into purpose.
You Are Not Alone—And I’m Here to Help
I know that turning pain into purpose is easier said than done. Some wounds run deep. But you don’t have to go through it alone.
There are methods and strategies to transform your pain into a tool for growth—and I want to help you do just that.
If you want to work through a specific experience and learn how to use it to build your character, I offer 1:1 coaching. You can click below to message me directly.
Let’s Start a Conversation
What’s one lesson you’ve learned from being wronged?
How did it shape you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Let’s support each other.
Because all the wrongdoing in the world cannot destroy you—if you use it to build your character.
On this journey with you,
Alma